Paris Hilton Nude In A Volkswagen
Have you ever wondered why there are photos of xxx Paris Hilton doing all sorts of naughty, sexy things in cars other than Volkswagens? I have. In fact, I’ve given this a lot of thought lately, and frankly I’m insulted. The question is, why not? Why hasn’t our sweet, talented, demure, ever-so-flirtatious and cute Paris Hilton ever been spotted cavorting in a Volkswagen naked? Isn’t The People’s Wagon good enough for her? That’s what I wanna know.
Let’s face it, Paris Hilton spends so much time in various states of undress that it’s a wonder she hasn’t been spotted riding a donkey naked, let alone driving around with her bits and pieces hanging out in a Volkswagen. I mean, I think we can all agree that pubic, errrr, public nudity is not a problem for Ms. Paris, yet I have never seen her scantily clad and honking the horn of a GTI. Have you? This is a problem for me.
Let’s keep it real for a second. Paris Hilton has been seen practically naked in or on just about every other car on the planet. If you have followed her “career” as much as I have then you know it’s true. The girl just cannot keep her panties on, and she proves it whenever she has even the slightest chance. My beef with Paris Hilton is not that she refuses to grow up and conduct herself with some degree of class. Oh no. That’s not it at all. It’s that she is being discriminatory. Paris and her little starlet buddies need to do just a little more in the area of equal opportunity advertising for Volkswagen!
Do you know how much money Paris Hilton is making for these other car companies? When she flashes her tooty-fruity for the Paparazzi while sitting in the front seat of a Mercedes Benz, don’t you think their profits shoot through the roof? Do you have any idea what she does to the sales figures for Hummer when she is caught in the back seat of one of their flagship models, giving a hum job to some strange guy she barely knows? I mean, come on!!! Let’s be realistic here.
All I am saying is what’s so bad about a Volkswagen? Why can’t Paris or Britney Spears or one of these other celebretards decide to do a lap dance in the front seat of, say, a Volkswagen R32 for example? That’s all I am saying. Is that too much to ask?
OK, so the R32 may be a bit cramped. If room is an issue then why not try a Taureg? It’s definitely roomy. It’s cool looking. It was good enough for Matt Damon in the ‘The Bourne Ultimatum’. All I am asking for is a little open-mindedness here. All I want is what’s coming to me. All I want is my fair share. That’s all I am saying.
Volkswagen is a cool brand. It’s sexy. It’s hot. It’s all that. I just think it deserves more love is all.
So, why isn’t Paris Hilton down with the VW? Why isn’t she going down in a VW? Is it too much to ask for Paris to get caught doing a muff dive in the back of a Passat for Pete’s Sake? Could you bare one boob for the Beetle? I don’t think that’s being unreasonable. I don’t think that’s being unreasonable at all.
I want Volkswagen to be associated with ’sexy’. I think it’s about time.
Listen up, Paris Hilton. Are you paying attention, Britney Spears? Can I have your attention, Christina Aguilera and Janet Jackson et. al.? Do you guys think you could spread some of your love in the direction of poor old Volkswagen for a change? We could use the advertising.
It’s not like you guys are hurting for cash, either. So don’t bother using that as an excuse. And we all know that you peeps can never ever have enough press, especially if it’s bad press. So don’t go there either.
All I am suggesting is that you run down to your local VW dealership, pick up an R32, or maybe a Passat or three, then go for a joy ride with your latest squeeze toy and get caught with your knickers around your ankles on the hood of the car. Trust me, it will do your careers a world of good and it will boost VW sales. Is it scandalous? Sure. Is it shameful? Of course. Is it sexy? You bet. And it sells!
On behalf of Volkswagen, I thank you in advance. We all do.
[Editors Note: The above piece is nothing more than satire. I am neither a fan of Paris Hiltons, nor am I even remotely interested in Paris Hilton. The point of the piece is to illustrate absurdity with absurdity. Clearly, our society has become shallow and our senses dulled but the constant bombardment with sex. Enough already!]